Idiot database v1.0

[Arthropod]

Just a fun little project filing all types of idiots, morons and such existing for a particular type of game. Might convert it in C++ later but for now here it is. Also indicate in which games those idiots can be found. The categories :

Found in : where they can be found
Rating : the annoyingness rating
Special : any special behaviours
Subjects : what does the moron targets
Motto ; an imaginary motto I made up for fun.

THE ULTIMATE IDIOT DATABASE 1.0

1. FPS
2. RTS
3. MMORPGs
4. Strategy(Worms-like)
5. Universal
6. Glossary

First Person Shooters

If a moron HQ could exist, it would be in the FPS genre. An infinity of moron types dwell over here, and only the best self-control master will stand up playing multiplayer on these hostile and unforgiving lands.

1. Vehicule hog
Found in : Halo, Battlefield, UT2K4, most other games with vehicules.
Rating : 3/10, 10/10 if you like vehicules too.
Special : Can fall into the "Teamkiller" species.
Subjects : Planes in Battlefield, Banshees/Tanks in Halo, Leviathan in UT2K4
Motto : "If you take what I love you're dead meat."

This species is a type of moron who can be innoffensive or unforgiving. It usually stands around the places where the strongests/coolests vehicules spawn, and attemps to TK players who could want one too to be sure of having it. Usually not a good shot, or a skilled player, he takes the vehicule and die 5 seconds after, then respawns and guards it again. It's like a neverending evil circle. Can also shoot you down to take your vehicule.

How to counter : Just TK him back. Most games have respawn times. While he's waiting, hijack his vehicule then kamikaze him with it as soon as he gets back. Owned.

2. Weapon hog
Found in : All games with pick-up weapons.
Rating : 3/10, 10/10 if you like the weapon he hogs.
Special : Can fall into the "Teamkiller" and "Abuser" species.
Subjects : Rocket Launchers, Fuel Rod Gun, Sniper Rifle in Halo, strongest weapons.
Motto : "That's MY weapon, newb!'

This one thinks he's over you and that he has priority over you for a certain type of weapon. If you attempt to take it he TK you, take it off you and uses it. Usually some unskilled moron, he'll miss every shot with it, or he won't because the weapon is easy to hit(like a targeting system).

How to counter : When he takes the weapon he hogs, TK him and take it, use up all the ammunition on it than drop it somewhere. It may turn into a TK war but it will piss him off to no end.

3. Point whore
Found in : All CTF games.
Rating : 7/10, pretty annoying.
Special : Can fall into the "Teamkiller" and "Elitist" species.
Subjects : Skilled players who can win games.
Motto : "HEY I PWNED YOU NOOB!"

This one is an insecure, unskilled kid, and he wants to show everyone how badass he is and how he's better than you in every facet of life, including but not limited to : this game, sex, driving, the size of his e-penor and taking a shit at the toilet. He is, however, too shitty to do it, so he waits into a corner, near the point zone, and TK you, then run with the flag at the point zone for the win.

How to counter : Some games, such as Halo, lets you use limited means of attack when you hold the flag, like a melee hit. Just try to kill him with the flag, run, get a point, and laugh in his face because you killed him with a flag. Repeat ad-nauseum, until he leaves.

2. Real-time Strategy

If the FPS genre is the idiots' HQ, then this is an advanced outpost. Many types of morons dwell here, and you'll be sure to meet a few. Their tactics include doing lots of shit that doesn't do squat...move on.

1. The guy who thinks he's funny
Found in : Team games modes
Rating : 10/10, in team games, one ally screws up and you're done, 1/10 if you don't care about wins
Special : Falls in "Elitist" species depending on the circumstances.
Subjects : Team games, who he considers inferior depending on the circumstances.
Motto : "Mass peon! ATTACK!"

Everybody who plays Warcraft 3 has at least met one of these. They do strategies that are complete and utter jokes(like building mass Ressources collectors) and then attempts to attack with it. Usually save the replays, and show it to their message boards friends so they can wangsturbate. Is real annoying, since them one of them can ruin it for everyone of your team.

How to counter : Play his game! Try to challange him into the "who can do the silliest thing ever" game. Both of you will enjoy it, although the rest of your team will shun you both for it.

2. The RTS n00b<-- SPECIAL CATEGORY FOR THIS ONE
Found in : Any type of games, prefers team ones.
Rating : 1/10, just annoying.
Special : None.
Subjects : None in particular.
Motto : "stfu newb"

Don't confound newbs with n00bs. N00bs are the sorriest excuse for a player ever. A newbie WILL listen to advice and may become a great player. N00bs are arrogant assholes who won't listen a word of what you say, even if you have ten thousand games played and he have five. He usually will do a totally wrong build order, and when you try to correct him he replies with a bunch of bullshit including but not limited to : "your mom is fat lolz", "you nub i pwnz you lolz", "rolf i r smurf i so know what i'm talking about you don't stfu asshole". After proceeding to curse both you and your immediate family, he will run into an enemy army and will prolly get destroyed. After, proceeds to reply with brillant comebacks such as "its yuor fault you damn noob" or "wtf you buch of noobs made me lose". Quits the game.

How to counter : No counters in particular. Mute him and go on with your life.

3. MMORPGs

What would be computers without MMORPGs? An idiot-free world. GOD I SO PWN LOL. Okay. What aggravates the case of MMORPGs is that most are p2p. You would expect an idiot-free, perfect world but usually that's not the case.

1. The slacker
Found in : Anywhere.
Rating : 10/10, you'll want to beat his mother down.
Special : None.
Subjects : High-leveled players.
Motto : "I'll stay behind, and...uhh support you. Right."

Asks for forming an hunting party with you. In some games you can form actual parties where the experience is divided between you two, or it might be a mutual decision. Some even go to following you around even if you don't agree for partying. Stays behind and do NOTHING at all, just following you around. When a rare item drops, he runs and take it, then TP home or leaves the game. Makes it extremely annoying because the SOJ you were hunting for for 4 hours got took by some idiot.

How to counter : Catch him out of town and PK him. Take all his items then leave the game. If he left, there's nothing you can do except hack him if you're a good programmer. But that'll get you in trouble.

4. Strategy(Worms like)

Obviously Gunbound falls into this category. Those who dwell into Worms clones tends to be annoying at the extreme. Don't play online if you got no tolerance like me.

1. The Killstealer
Found in : Team games.
Rating : 1/10, who cares about money.
Special : Can fall into the "n00b" category, doesn't exist in Worms.
Subjects : Nearly-killed enemies
Motto : "you the grub makese so much money gold"

This one is just the tip of the iceberg. He's not that annoying, but it can be if you're saving for something. Usually just plays like normal, wearing down their enemy, and then when yours is almost down, goes and shoot him to take the money. Usually uses an easy to hit bot/weapon.

How to counter : KS him back. You'll then lose nothing but you'll annoy him. Hurray.

2. Trickwhores(n00b version)
Found in : Everywhere.
Rating : 5/10, can boom a game.
Special : Found in both Worms and Gunbound.
Subjects : Trickshots.
Motto : "But I look so cool!"

Those are the scum of Worms clones. They backshot/highangle/hook/whatever with the weapon that takes skills to use(bazooka, boomer, nak). Unfortunately, they got none and just do this so they can rub it in if they get lucky("GOD! That totally wasn't a lucky shot. I'm just that pro."). Attempts to do 55 angle backshotsSS with boomer, but never hits.

How to counter : Nothing. You can't do anything, and that's what making this type so annoying.

5. Universal

Those idiots can be found anywhere. There are a lot of morons common to all genres, and they can be nightmarish.

1. The teamkiller/spy/playerkiller
Found in : All games involving teams.
Rating : 10/10, very annoying
Special : Extremely common
Subjects : Allies.
Motto : "DIE ALLY. MWAHAHAHA!"

The most common type of stupid. There's so much of them, slapping each of them would take approximately a century. Really, no explanation needed : they kill team members. Nuff said.

How to counter : Ignore him. He'll maybe get bored and then leave. It's better than being teamkilled.

2. Shitspeakers(Racists, online daters, etc)
Found in : Everywhere.
Rating : 3/10, the mute command exists for a reason, but can get mighty annoying muting all those idiots.
Special : Hates everyone, makes a lot of assumptions.
Subjects : Everyone, even a fellow shitspeakers.
Motto : "All Germans are such nazis. Damn jews. Fuck mexicans. Stupid africans."

Exist for one and only reason, to hate on you, or to date a bunch of pixels. Usually says offending things on whatever glimpse of you he can see(boy or girl, country, age, etc). He also likes to assume that your mom is a whore, you sleep with your sister, you dad rapes you and that you're a pedophile.No worries, he's just a dumbass.

How to counter : /mute.

3. Elitists
Found in : Everywhere with stats.
Rating : 3/10, same as shitspeakers
Special : Automatically better than you.
Subjects : Everyone that is better/worse than him.
Motto : "You're so noob, I can beat you while fapping."

He's the better off both of you, and he's not scared to show it. Says random crap which only vaguely proves his points, and sometimes, more direct approachs like "you're noob". When you beat his sorry ass, you're suddently a noob, your mom a whore, and the something you used to kill him a "noob cannon"(thanks www.somethingawful.com).

How to counter : Use the command God himself put on the Earth. /mute.

4. Abusers/Hackers/SKs
Found in : every game that is popular
Rating : 7/10, annoying but bearable
Special : None.
Subjects : Cheap things.
Motto : "You're not noob. It's just that I know how to abuse."

Usually uses the cheapest weapon/whatever availiable for the game. Beats you with it due to sheep luck, rub it in your face then proceed to use the same thing 50 times. For example, he might use a Scorpion in Halo. He'll be shooting at you, rub it in your face, then finish up 100 more people. Annoying. Script kiddies are wannabee hackers. They download an aimbot and a bypass off an hack site, uses it then proceeds to make the world knows they are leet hax0rs.

How to counter : Report the hackers. Ignore the abusers. Nothing you can do really.

6. Glossary

UT2K4 : Stands for Unreal Tournament 2004
TK : Teamkill
PK : Playerkill
FPS : First person shooter
RTS : Real-time Strategy
SK : Script kiddies.

DONE! Keep in mind this is only for fun. If I missed a type, please leave an holler here. Thanks.

© copyright 2005, bloodbug2, unless noted otherwise.

[Arthropod]

Wrong forum. If a moderator may move this to general chat please...

[Namtiehxam]

Someone has too much time on their hands...or is just angry.

[Arthropod]

I love for the former...I was bored then I wrote a big pile of crap. Afer I went to play Scrabble...a little too much time XDXD

[uberbacon]

mmm scrabble, too bad i got very badly addicted and had to quit before the swedish national championships

moved to gaming forum


fun reading! nice job